The "Miss" Desperate for the "Mrs"

Few weeks ago I eavesdropped on two fresh-looking young men talking about their personal lives at a bus stop. It felt good to be feeding my ears while I waited for my bus. I mean nothing sounds better than listening to two drop dead gorgeous and fluent Nigerian men holding a proper conversation. I got carried away with the manner in which they spoke and the scent of an exotic fragrance oozing from their direction. However distracted I was, I was more sad than shocked at the statement made by one of the dark eye candies. He said with a shrug "There's no rush my brother...I've bought the ring already and I know she's been longing for it...she would have to be crazy not to accept my proposal...she should wait jare...who knows, I might find someone better". They chuckled and ran to catch their bus.
I pondered on that statement and it made me realise how easy ladies make it for our dear men.

I have always believed that it is more profitable to love someone genuinely without a hidden agenda or wanting something in return. Some ladies will go an extra mile or tolerate the unthinkable to save a relationship because they want the end result to be marriage. Hence they get disappointed because of the things they had to do/give up in the process. That is a story for another day but it is sad to think that in a woman's book every relationship must lead to marriage. That explains why most men are scared of commitments.

Being in a relationship with someone is not a guarantee that you will end up married to that person. For this reason, a woman should enjoy, appreciate and learn from her relationships. It should not be an avenue to settle for less rather an opportunity to be certain of what she feels for that special man and to decide if what she shares with him is worth having for the rest of her life. The ring or promises should not be the determining factors of a life with her man. It should be based mostly on her feelings and judgements.
Men will always say "there are a lot of fishes in the river" forgetting that there are sharks, wastes and left overs as well. A woman should not deprive herself of the right to choose who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Above all, she should not settle for less.

If you are a "Miss" desperate to be his "Mrs" its only fair that he's desperate to be your "Mr"

Writer - Loretta Okpuno

Editor - Sophi Oduyale

Discover You

"Discover You" is all about knowing who you are. I like to think that self discovery is proportional  to growth. It involves having a mind of your own and having certain principles that make you stand out. People often say self discovery comes with age but what's the use of age without experience?
Sometimes we don't get the best for ourselves because we try to get what others are getting for themselves. We often make the mistake of trying to talk, live, and be like others forgetting that there's nothing as easy as being yourself because all you do will come to you naturally. This is why each individual is unique and abandoning your uniqueness is great injustice to yourself.

Discovering oneself is not the easiest of things. Sometimes it requires you to go through tough situations....sometimes you will have terrible encounters. On the journey to self discovery you may lose friends, positions once occupied and you may even feel like you've wasted years. Whatever the case may be, once you have discovered who you are you become happier, focused, fulfilled and above all, a better person.

A very close friend used to say "know ya sef...e no be crime" (know yourself...it is not a crime). We usually laughed whenever she said it. over time I understood the gravity of that statement. You cannot be apologetic for who you are. You can't apologise for standing for what you believe in, you should't be sorry for living by your principles and above all you owe no one an explanation for being you and expressing it as long as its acceptable in the eyes of God.

Have you ever wondered why certain people are stereotyped and others are classified as unique...exceptional....

We are flowers quickly fading...here today and gone tomorrow. Be yourself and enjoy every bit of it.

Loretta Okpuno

Unexpressed Love

We live in a world where insincerity has become the norm. The word "Love" has become overused and the meaning underrated.

I often wonder what happens to people as they grow. If a child says "I Love You", you can be almost certain that he/she means every word in the 3 word sentence. I used to think that regretting the things I had said and done were the worst feelings until I knew what it felt like to regret the things that I did not do, wanted to do and never had the opportunity to do.

When you have the opportunity to express love, never let it pass you by. A lot of people die without "ever" experiencing true love, some are made to believe that what they experience is true love when it actually isn't while others are forced to love conditionally. Imagine holding back love from someone today and you decide to show it tomorrow. What's plan B if the person never lives to face tomorrow?

Live....Love.....Express it GENUINELY  

Learning Through Experience

"Our life experiences are a series of events in motion, each layering up another and creating incredible complexity, character and depth" - Rosemary Pierce

I often wonder why "work experience" is soo important that sometimes it seems like it is the only thing that employers require employees to have when applying for jobs. The answers to my question came from the ageing but wise lips of an established entrepreneur. He said "in life, experience is what makes you...it defines you and acts as your guarantor. It provides assurance that you are not easily wavered by circumstances as they are not new to you". He further asked me to wonder why a daughters cooking can never supersede that of her mother's. 

Most of the time we unconsciously learn through experiences. In theory, the typical brain will effortlessly store information that has been seen, heard and practiced. Learning is a process and we often do not realise that we are in it until we are able to look back and reflect on not just how far we have gone but how much we've gained. 

It is important to learn from others especially when mistakes are made. However, learning from personal experiences can be very rewarding. The reward is not in the experience...it is in what you have learned in the process. I bet we are familiar with the saying "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger" but rarely pay attention to what it means.

Just as a drug cannot be produced or become a lead compound without active ingredients and excipients, it is almost impossible to give what you do not have

Sometimes you get to cross-roads in life and you are then left with no choice. The least you could do is to embrace your experiences hoping and looking forward to the rewards. The thoughts of being a better person by learning through your experiences will make you appreciate them.

Loretta Okpuno

The WILL

I've come to realise that success is all about self gratification. For example; Mr A and Mr B are both students in the same university and studying the same course. Mr A feels he is too good and aims for a first class while Mr B experiences difficulties with the course and feels he'll be fine with just passing. If they both graduate, achieving what they had in mind, you can't say they weren't successful in achieving their goals...

If you have achieved your goals (and not the goals set by others for you) you can tag yourself "a success"

people often aspire to be what others want them to be forgetting that the only person you can
TOTALLY satisfy is yourself

We often make the mistake of asking questions like;

-What has Mr A achieved and have i been able to match up?

-Am I where Mr A and Mrs B think i should be?

-What do people think of me?

I think the right questions should be;

-What have I achieved with my resources?

-Am I where i wanted to be?

-What do i think of myself?

Self evaluation is very important because if you want the whole world to evaluate you, you'll get millions of opinions about yourself.

I've had bad experiences because I did not have the WILL to do what i wanted to do. I've missed opportunities because i lacked the WILL to make use of them and I took wrong turns because i was more concerned with what people thought and expected me to achieve.

We should focus on achieving OUR goals with the intention of getting SELF gratification. We shouldn't be distracted by the praises, criticisms and thoughts of others. Most importantly, we should have the WILL.

Loretta Okpuno

A Woman; The Full Package

Have you ever been in awe of a woman's presence that you lose sight of what's going on around you for a minute or two?   

If you were asked to explain the feeling I reckon the word you would go for will be "CAPTIVATING"

There's a lot of misconception about "The Woman" and what she represents. Being a woman is not about how many times you make your hair/nails in a week. It's not about how many men you can lustfully attract. And it's certainly not about how well you are able to adapt to the british (britiko) way of speaking. Unfortunately, these misconceptions have led to the stereotyping of women. Women are perceived to be cheap, fake...hence can therefore be toyed with. Sadly when you look at most women you don't see intelligence, patience, humility, hard work and a person that's willing to support.

Food can be half cooked....a project can be half completed....but a woman is a "Full Package". A full package should have a good carriage and a personality to die for. Her personality speaks for her while her carriage helps to mask the pains, struggles and challenges that life throws at her and is interlinked with the way she talks, walks, sits, laughs and communicates with people.

A woman that lacks a good carriage and personality will lack confidence and feel insecure. That explains why women are perceived to be insecure beings (another misconception).

The  key to being the "Full Package" is to understand and to be what a woman represents.


Loretta Okpuno